Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Bathing Suit Blues

So it's time to get a bathing suit.
I put it off for three years, but I'm running out of excuses. My little girl really wants to go build a sandcastle. And she is my reason for almost every idiotic thing I do. Wish me luck because it's not going to be fun.

I used to LOVE shopping for bathing suits as a child and teenager. It was a lot of fun, running around trying on different looks, and being allowed to walk around in public with about the same coverage as underwear. I always thought I looked so cute, or sexy as I got older. Frilly little pink one pieces gave way to the hibiscus decorated tankini, and then upon graduation, the slinky little bikini and bottoms that only covered half my rear (which is the only bathing suit I have left, and it says CORONA and there is no way I'm going out in THAT.)

Now I worry about everything- what if people see to much of my rear?... my boobs are not going to fill THAT up, or if they are they will overflow THAT one.. good lord. What if people see my scars? What if I'm the beached whale they make fun of?? Because the good lord knows I've made fun of more fat people in bathing suits than probably anyone else, because when I was a teenager, all 98 lbs of me thought it was a riot! Especially the ones with the audacity to wear thong bikinis and bright yellow apparel. I'm afraid I'm going to get what I dished out. Now I feel guilty and self conscious.

Yet I still can't bring myself to wear the adult one pieces. That to me is worse than being audaciously exposed. Because I feel like, if I put one of those on, I will automatically turn forty, smoke menthols, and gripe about not seeing Days of Our Lives. Plus I really don't think they are very flattering for people with a tummy. After all, if you wear a purple one piece you are drawing attention to the whole package, while if you wear the bikini at least people are only checking out the top and bottom. The middle kind of disappears in the face of such colorful fabric.

What are you wearing this summer? I'm going to look this weekend and any suggestions are welcome...

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