So as I was stalking people on Facebook, I came across a status I have seen many times... by many men. "What's the point in being the nice guy when the girls all go for the bad boy?" Well let's analyze it.
Before we go into the reasons of why girls like guys who are less than worthy, stop and take a minute to do a little self reflection.
1. Are you REALLY a good guy? Some people have a very high opinion of their own morality. The thing is, not everyone has the same set of ethical values. So while you might perceive yourself as a "good guy", others may not. Keep this in mind when you are asking yourself why your awesomeness is not enough. Also, ask yourself if the person you are calling "the douchebag" really is a bad guy. Is he honestly bad? Or does he just share different viewpoints? Do you even know this guy? Personally? Second hand knowledge does not tell you anything. We are all guilty of being the first to point out the flaws of others. So be careful about being too judgmental without knowing all of the facts. And for heaven's sake, do NOT base your opinion of someone based on someone else's opinions.
2. The truth hurts. And so does your face. Many people base their choices on physical appearance and attractiveness. Let's be honest with each other. If you are chasing a girl, chances are you think she is foxy. But are you? Do you take time with your appearance? Do you take care of yourself? Are you in the same league as the person you are chasing? You probably based your selection on appearance first and other qualities later. Should she respond any differently?
3. I'm a Loser Baby. Are you date-able? Do you have your own life? Do you work/go to school/volunteer? Do you have hobbies and interests that are interesting to her? Or are you a broke down dude living with mom and dad and playing on your computer all day?
Okay. There's more criteria in self reflection, but let's stop there. If you do not meet the criteria listed above, please understand: I think you are perfect just the way you are. Sometimes I just think it is helpful to give yourself an honest evaluation of your qualities. That being said, if you are on the same moral compass as the girl you like, attractive to her, and have a life all your own, let's proceed to some of the reasons that she is chasing Jo the Jerk instead of wonderful perfect you.
1. People date the people they think they deserve to have. The people we choose to partner with are a reflection of how we see ourselves. If we see ourselves as good people, we generally find good people to share ourselves with. If we think we are low down pieces of trash, well.... you get where this is going. Self image and self valuation are KEY to the partners we pick. With that being said, understand: You CANNOT make her realize how awesome she is. Only she can do that, and she must do it for herself. Every individual places their own value. If she thinks she's dirt, that is how she is going to expect to be treated. "What if I treat her like dirt?" you may ask. Well, she might be into you, until she realizes she deserves better, or, at the very least could be treated like dirt by someone a little bit higher up than you. Either way you will lose your chance at a meaningful relationship. And if your just looking to score and not looking for a meaningful relationship, refer to #1 in the self reflection column.
2. Mr. Two Face and the Scar He Leaves. Most girls dated the good guy. Well, they thought he was the good guy. Then in privacy a little while down the relationship road, he reared his ugly little head that he hid behind the nice guy mask and hurt her. Very badly. So now, when she sees a REAL nice guy, she assumes that's his mask and she isn't falling for that again. She may date guys who don't deserve her, but at least there are no surprises. Keep in mind, the only way to beat this monster is just to continue being the awesome guy that you are, and hope she snaps out of it.
3. Rough-housing. Some girls like the jerk for reasons that you may not be able to understand. Maybe being submissive is her thing. Maybe a guy being a jerk is what gets her rocks off? Unless you're sure that is not the case, approach with caution. And remember about the not being judgmental part here. Just because it isn't your cup of tea doesn't make it wrong. The heart wants what the heart wants. And the body wants what the body wants.
4. Status Update. That jerk may come with perks you can't understand. Perhaps she feels that he will improve her social status. Maybe he has a condo in Maui. Maybe he will let her do that thing that no one else will let her do. Maybe his sister is her best friend and she feels like she has to be with him to be family with her bestie. Before you say, "OMG what a psycho!" or "Oh wow how shallow!" remember that we left our "I'm the judge" pants at home today.
5. What's my Age again? Some girls are not emotionally mature enough to be attracted to the nice guy. They like the excitement, the drama, and the attention the mean guy brings to them. There is absolutely nothing you can do about this. Honestly though, do you want to start a relationship with someone who is emotionally stunted right now? Which brings me to...
6. Beer Goggles. You think she is perfect. You think she could do so much better. Honestly, love and attraction can blind us to some really poor qualities people possess. Take the beer goggles off and re-evaluate. Is this girl really the girl you think she is?
7. Ms. Fix it. She wants a fixer upper. A project. She wants to be the woman who can make him change when no one else has been able to. She wants to be the one and only person who can turn the evil madman into the gentle giant. She thinks she can. Because she wants to. She wants to play out Beauty and the Beast in real life. Again, nothing you can do. You don't have the beastie reputation.
So these are just a few reasons why you might not be getting love from that honey bee. With that being said remember:
It Goes Both Ways. There may be a girl reading your status update and wanting to strangle you right now. She may be thinking, "Why does he keep going after psycho bitches when I am right here!" There are plenty of guys who exhibit the same kind of behaviors as their female peers.
There is Hope... Somewhere. Somewhere is a person who deserves you just as you are in your own awesomeness.
* Note from the author
All of the above writing is under the impression that we are not talking about someone who is in serious harm because of their significant other. If you, or someone you know, is in a truly abusive/dangerous relationship then you need to get involved with a counselor instead of reading my silly blog. Keep in mind all above commentary is based solely on my life experiences and I am not an expert, psychologist, spurned good guy, evil man, or single lady (anymore). Have a GREAT night! :)
