Thursday, March 5, 2015

I Just Want To Be Friends

So, I would just like you to go ahead and accept that I suck at being a dedicated writer. My life is busy. However, I'm pretty sure that all my writing is so self absorbed that no one was too concerned about it. ;) I've had a pretty bad case of the feels lately. It's been disconcerting and hard to deal with. I think I'm keeping it together for the public, but honestly, I'm getting pretty worn out from it. I'm really lucky that I have amazing friends. People I can complain to, people who will listen to my "me's", and people who will then tell me about their new game that they are so excited about because it's a remastered version of nostalgia. ^__^ It keeps a certain amount of normal in my life, which I desperately need.

I think part of my feels is loneliness. I'm surrounded by a variety of people all day, and I don't feel connected to any of them. I have my friends that I talk to, but I have to miss them because they are all so very far away. I miss having someone to go do stuff with. I especially miss my female friends. I've tried making new friends but everyone thinks I'm hitting on them. It's so frustrating. Like, "hey do you want to hang out tonight?" constantly gets a response of "Oh, sorry, I'm not gay."... Damn it.

I'm scared to try to make friends with people I work with, as I'm afraid they will think I'm hitting on them as well and then that's going to go 80 kinds of awkward and possibly cost me my job. I was even desperate enough to try to make friends with my sister. She tolerated it, because she's a good sister, but we both knew that wasn't going to go that well. I just don't know anything about hunting, fishing, football, or Desperate Housewives. At least she knew I wasn't hitting on her. I have read umpteen articles about making friends, but so far none of those tactics have panned out. It doesn't help that as a mother, student, and full time worker, I have a limited amount of time and attention to offer. With that being said, I'm grateful I'm not completely alone. I seriously look forward to graduating with my MBA in December so I can hole up in the game room for a week and do nothing but play games with my friends online. That will be uber fun.

In the meantime, this short post will serve to satiate my guilt at not writing in over a year. If anyone else has ever struggled with sounding like they are hitting on people whilst trying to make friends, I encourage your response so that I can feel like I'm not alone in this. :)

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